An unexpected discovery has left me in a bit of shock, and hurt, to say the least. It is nothing tragic, just, eye-opening I suppose. Some people feel the need to hurt others in order to make themselves feel secure, if that is the way in which they choose to live their life, I have no doubt that they will eventually lose what they are so desperately trying to hold on to.
This means that no one comes into your life by chance. Everyone who is around us, anyone with whom we interact, represents something, whether to teach us something or to help us improve a current situation.
"Whatever happened is the only thing that could have happened" Nothing, absolutely nothing of that which we experienced could have been any other way. Not even in the least important detail. There is no "if only I had done that differently..., then it would have been different..." No. What happened is the only thing that could have taken place for us to learn our lesson and move forward. Every single situation in life, which we encounter, is absolutely perfect, even when it defies our understanding and our ego. "Each moment in which something begins is the right moment" Everything begins at exactly the right moment, neither earlier nor later. When we are ready for it, for that something new in our life, it is there, ready to begin. "What is over, is over" It is that simple. When something in our life ends, it helps our evolution. That is why, enriched by recent experience, it is better to let go and move on. I am currently working on a four small paintings based on these principles. A visual interpretation of each. I'll post a photo of the four pieces when I complete them.
I am so far behind on this challenge, although, I am determined to see it through!
Each day I drive approximately 30 minutes to and from work, and these have become some of my favorite minutes of the day. I love the alone time, the time to wake-up, the time to decompress, and the time to just observe the landscape and think.
Not to worry, this was taken right as I arrived at work, you can see my speedometer is at zero, my seat belt is already off, etc...
Cruising into the school parking lot this morning I was listening to Blondie's Dreaming, seems like a good way to start my day.
I love my car, it gives me a sense of freedom. Some of my favorite moments have been spent in my car, just me alone, unavailable to all.
Artwork, huh? My entire day is based around artwork, I am surrounded by it! For this particular post I decided to show just a portion of the oil painting I am currently working on, which is FAR from complete. There will eventually be a ribcage in there, and of course more focus on details. I have been so completely busy, I have not had a chance to work on this in months. I will make the time. I promise.
Okay, I have to admit, I really have been avoiding this one, it seems so silly to me! I live in a house that is 100 years old, I am lucky I even have a closet, not to mention, one I can actually walk into! I hang up the clothes that need to be hung up, the rest I keep in drawers. As you can see, I am not particular about the arrangement of the clothes, if they get hung up...success!!
I refrained from showing the other side of the closet, which has had a leak for years, there have been several different roofing companies that have worked on it, and claim to have fixed it, though it continues to leak. I keep a large container over there at all times, and dump it after the rain. I hold onto the hope that the problem will eventually be fixed. Home ownership, always a joy!
So, the 8 year old has gone from tomboy to sparkly!! Resistance was futile, this stuff is everywhere. I was NOT originally sold on this look, not only is it likely to blind her teacher, it looks like it should be some sort of costumery for showgirls. I know every generation has their "style", and I guess I can admit to wearing "Frankie Says..." t-shirts back in the day, but this look just seems too grown-up for little girls. That's just me, I suppose. Make it shine, girl! (but, keep it classy).
Again, I was having a very difficult time with this one. I have never been the type of person that believes in one "best friend", I have always found it an odd concept. There are several people l feel play important roles in the best parts of my life.
These three ladies I have known for years, not only are they each brilliant and hilarious in their own individual ways, somehow it is extremely easy for me to be with them; they accept me for who I am. I love these ladies!
This does not mean that there are not many other, equally important people in my life, but each person, regardless of gender or age, all play their own individual roles in my story.
I tend to distance myself from those that I don't feel a genuine connection, life is just too short...YOLO!!
I've been having a difficult time with this one. I'm not much of a shopper and I don't have many things that are new. However, I bought these shoes at the end of the summer, and they are currently my favorite pair. Toms for ladies.
It is also the beginning of a new school year for me, and I am teaching "something new" to me. I have switched from Pottery/Sculpture to Drawing/Painting, and I couldn't be happier. I feel much more passionate about teaching what I actually do as my own art work.
I also love all of my new classes this semester, and teaching an overload, that makes a world of difference.
I am also in a new room, and to my surprise, I have found was much needed. I feel like I needed to let the room go, leaving old memories behind, starting fresh.
Once in a while, something new can make us much happier than we may have originally thought.
Written words. Words written. I have a deep affection for words, those that are written, and those that are spoken. Words are something I take to heart, I am a believer, a person who trusts in the words given to her. Nothing hurts more than to realize one has used their words insincerely.
I have a book in which I gather words, some that come to me, and some that have been given to me as inspiration. In this book I make notes, write definitions, look for synonyms, use word association, all in an attempt to find ways to fit the words together.
I do not call this poetry, per se, it is more like free writing, and I would never claim to be that good at it. That is not what it is about for me, it's just a form of self-expression, a release of sorts, a way of communicating what is in my head and my heart.
This is just a glimpse into my little book, it is messy, it has doodles and drawings, words scratched out, words rewritten, rethought, and rewritten again, until it feels absolutely right, to me.
I have so many people in my life who inspire me, though on the top of my list are the two people pictured here:
my mother and my daughter.
My mother is definitely someone to be admired, she has been through so much, so much so, that there is no way I could even begin to describe her life. For the most part she raised me on her own, always making sure that I had all the necessities I needed, and I was grateful for the things I did have. I have always loved and admired my mother, not to mention that she is just as smart as she is beautiful. Recently, my daughter said to me "you know what I think when I see the other moms?","what?" I asked, and she responded, "that you are beautiful". I remember thinking the same thing about my mother as a child, and at that moment, I wondered if I had ever told her that. My mother let me live my life, make my own decisions, and told me that she would never take credit for the good things that I did, nor would she take the blame for anything bad that I did. I still think about this, the person that I chose to be, was up to me. I love my mother deeply, and I learned to love from her. My daughter is the other person that inspires me, the person I choose to be at this point in my life completely depends upon her. She inspires me to be smarter, bolder, more understanding, patient, kinder, more forgiving, stronger, and the best role model that I can be. She comes first in all decisions that I make. My mother and my daughter are extremely close, they love each other like nothing I have ever witnessed. It is a different kind of love than a mother/daughter love, there is just some special bond between the two of them that I will never completely be in on, and that is okay. To be in between their two wolds is something I am thankful for, I am loved and I give love. I can't think of anything more inspiring than that.
Todays challenge is simply, favorite color. It just so happens that red is my favorite color, scarlet to be exact.
This photo was shot in the bathroom at the local downtown movie theater, it looks nothing like the rest of the theater. Every time I walk in here, it reminds me of being in Madrid.
I always feel like I have walked into a scene from a Pedro Almodovar film, as if I should have some wild reaction when I look into the mirror, smear the bright red lipstick (I'm not actually wearing) across my face with the back of my hand, and then frantically try to scrub it off in the sink, of course it doesn't wash off, and I fall to the counter in tears while the water still runs. I gather myself, stand and shut off the water, straighten my black pencil skirt, fix my dark hair, exit and return to my seat at the current showing of Nemo 3D.
Anna's first time having a filling, complete with "laughing gas"!! She was giggling so hard, the entire staff ended up in the room giggling with her, which of course made her giggle even more. It was quite funny, to say the least.
A snapshot from my book shelves. I love books, all kinds of books. Sometimes I go through phases where all I read is non-fiction, especially during the school year, when I have limited time to read.
Summer is my time to read fiction; this summer I was on a mission to read all of the Chuck Palahniuk books that I had not already read, not a decision I regret.
I also read The Road by Cormac McCarthy, I highly recommend this book, so thought provoking. I definitely plan to read more of his books.
On another note, I really really dislike seeing movies of books that I have read. I like the characters to live in my mind, the way I envision them. The ONLY movie I have ever liked better than the book was Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer. Speaking of Jonathan Safran Foer, Tree of Codes is one of my all time favorite books. It's not just a story created from another book, it is a poetic work of art - check it out!
I have been reflecting all day and asking the question, what defines happiness? How do I define happiness? There are so many "things" that make me happy, but what happiness do I own? What creates internal happiness?
Of course I love people, music, books, photography, painting, writing, teaching, etc... but at the end of the day, what is truly responsible for my happiness?
It is me being allowed to be me.
Being allowed to like the music I like, giving love and support to those I feel most need it, reading the books I want to read, teaching the way I feel most benefits my students, painting what makes sense to me, photographing what is important to me, laughing so hard my stomach aches (whether it is appropriate or not), the ability to be super silly when I feel like it, wearing clothes that I feel comfortable in no matter what the current trends are, believing in religion and politics in a way that seems most logical to me...
and most importantly, continuing to love and be loved unconditionally, in the face of it all.
"There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow, so today is the right day to love, believe, do and mostly live"
~ the Dali Lama
The day before I saw this quote, a friend of mine had said "If you live in the past, you are depressed. If you live in the future, you are anxious. If you live in the present, you are happy" - I went to bed that night and this kept playing over and over in my mind. How true! I know this, and I try diligently to live in the present, though I don't always succeed. As someone who has recently been diagnosed with depression AND anxiety, I understand how extremely important it is to live in the present, though I suppose I never really knew the physical impact of dwelling on the past, or trying to predict the future.
“Night, in which everything was lost, went reaching out, beyond stars and sun. Stars and sun, a few bright grains, went spiraling round for terror, and holding each other in embrace, there in a darkness that outpassed them all, and left them tiny and daunted. So much, and himself, infinitesimal, at the core of nothingness, and yet not nothing.”
"There is no great genius without some touch of madness."
First day back in the classroom, arranging, cleaning and prepping for next week. So many things are going to be different this year; I am prepared to face the changes with a positive attitude, and a touch of madness.
“What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? - it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.”